First, let me just put this out there: Marriage is fucking hard. Let me follow that by saying it is totally worth it. I am happy beyond my wildest dreams. I am married to a phenomenal man who I adore. Jonathan and I started our relationship in the most untraditional, unconventional way. We were dating for all of four months when we made the decision to have a baby. That’s right folks. We intentionally got pregnant after only four months of dating. We thought we were prepared. We both had jobs in our chosen industries, we were crazy in love and we thought that was enough. For the most part the next couple of years were amazing and filled with lots of love and fun. Jaxon was such a sweetheart and we loved being parents.
When Jaxon was about 18 months old I got it into my head Jonathan and I needed to get married. I’m not really sure what caused the sudden urgency I felt in needing to be husband and wife. I told Jonathan it was time and I started searching for venues and rings and I decided on both quickly and moved forward with wedding planning leaving Jonathan there scratching his head. I guess I felt like we were a family and us having a wedding would solidify that. Now looking back I feel so terrible for rushing everything. I never even gave Jonathan the opportunity to propose!
Our wedding was beautiful. It was at Butler’s Courtyard in League City. We had a Day of the Dead themed wedding. We had a cake decorated with sugar skulls and sugar skull center pieces. It was so much fun. I loved my dress and my girl’s bridesmaid dresses. I included photos from our special day at the end of this post. Our honeymoon was gorgeous. We spent half of our time in Athens and the other half in Santorini. It was like walking around in a painting.
We both got new jobs during the wedding planning process and moved to a new town about an hour away from our family and friends. There was A LOT of change in a little bit of time. It felt like there was almost an immediate shift after we got married. I started putting importance on things that weren’t really important, we had the hardest time communicating with each other and soon it seemed like we had made a mistake. We couldn’t connect or agree on anything. We both made decisions that hurt the other. Neither of us were willing to compromise when we had a disagreement. I found it hard to talk to Jonathan because he interrupted me every time I tried to speak and he was very quick on the defense. He got frustrated with me because I would blow up on him without any warning. He got mad because I didn’t help enough with the house work. I got mad that he wasn’t more sympathetic to the stress I was under while starting my business. We were such a mess I told him I thought we needed to divorce. Yes, you read that correctly. I did the thing you are absolutely not suppose to do in marriage. I was throwing in the towel when things got hard.
I will thank God everyday for my strong, confident and wise husband. He told me NO. He told me “No, we aren’t getting a divorce. There are a lot of times I don’t stand up and say things to you but this is not one of them. We will go to counseling and we will work this out.” It was amazing. He is amazing. I will have to spend the rest of my life trying to thank him for being strong when I was weak. (That was probably his plan all along.)
We learned so much in marriage counseling. We learned how to speak to each other, how to listen to each other and how to accept each other. I don’t hold things in until I have a complete meltdown on him and he gave up habits that bothered me. We still have trouble sometimes. He still interrupts me and it drives me CRAZY and I still don’t do enough around the house, but the pressure is off. We are who we are, and we love each other fiercely for that.
My motivation for writing this is to offer encouragement if you are experiencing difficulty in your marriage. You are not alone. It’s hard! But you have to fight for it! Go to counseling if you have to. It helps. Remember why you fell in love with your partner. Think on all the wonderful memories you have together, and if you have children, think about the little miracles you have created together. You’ll want to kill him, and he’ll want to kill you. I think that’s part of the deal. But don’t kid yourself, that’s what makes it exciting!